Welcome to the Dewey Diaries *sticky post*

If you are just joining us, we suggest that you start from the beginning (November 2004) so that you can savor every delicious library anecdote.

Enjoy!

(Disclaimer: These are not the stories of one library in particular. Rather, it is a clearinghouse for stories that have been sent into the Dewey Diaries and sanitized and buffed up for your reading pleasure.)

Conspiracy Theorist

Patron:  Have you looked outside today?

Me:  Uh no. They don't let me out of the building.

Patron:  You should really go look at the sky. Operation Cloverleaf is going on right now. They want you to think they are just contrails from airplanes but they aren't. They are really chemicals that the government is deliberately putting into the atmosphere.  It's really scary.

Me:  Huh.  How about that.

Patron: If I were you, I wouldn't go outside today.

Me:  Duly noted.





SIGH.......................................

Why Stop There?

A patron just came in all fired up to the 4th Floor Desk and demandedto speak to the big boss.  When I asked a few probing questions to get to the root of his dissatisfaction (trying to prevent the Big Boss from having to deal with this), I learned that he was all in a tizzy because he believes the entire fourth floor of the library should be moved to the first floor. 

*crickets*

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

I decided maybe the Big Boss SHOULD handle this after all. So, I sent him on his merry way to the appropriate office. 

Return of the Old Death's Head

He's baaaaaaack!

The Old Death's Head showed up today in a ratty lumberjack coat looking more like a death's head than ever. He has finally wised up about interacting with staff and decided to use the self-check machine instead. Of course, he couldn't figure out how to use it.

As I observed his struggles, I tried to decide what to do. I knew if I approached him and offered to help that he would probably accuse me of being a condescending racist. (since he is a lily-white man who happens to have a Hispanic-sounding last name) Finally, he asked me for help and I assisted him with great tenderness and patience (and trepidation). He was all sweetness and light. And then we sang a duet. And little bluebirds fluttered around our heads.

I guess he doesn't remember that I'm the one who got him banned from the library. Ah, the power!

One Stop Shopping

A guy just came to the circulation desk and asked if there was an "adult" section at the library. It's spring break and there's a lot of urchins running around here today, and I thought he meant a quiet place to get away from these damn kids.

But, no...

He leaned forward and said, "No, for... naughty stuff?" Oh. Oh!

No, no, we don't have a "naughty" section of the videos. Not yet, at least. I'm sure it's coming, though.

In the meantime, just another disappointed library patron...

I'm Little on the Inside

One of the things I love about working in a public library is the fact that you get to interact with all kinds of people. And they are not always what they seem. There is one gentleman who is very tall and big and he wears black leather pants and he has swastikas tattooed on the back of his head. Rather scary. A real tough guy.

But...

...he checks out the lamest videos like Knight Rider and Full House. FULL HOUSE?!! Are you kidding me? Maybe he's one of those big guys who are little on the inside.


Yesterday he stopped a library employee in the parking lot and asked him why that school bus was parked there. The library worker looked. Big surprise. There was no school bus.

Uh, I'm backing away slowly...

The Unsolicited Reviewer is a Misogynist (big surprise)

Also known as Mr. "I'm going to punch John Travolta in the face," the Unsolicited Reviewer is getting a lot of press lately. He wants to ban "Ladies Nights" at bars, baseball games and other venues. He was on a talk show and the host finally told him he needs therapy for his obsessive compulsiveness and his paranoia. The Unsolicited Reviewer compares himself to Rosa Parks fightin' for men's rights. He's our own local jackass!

New Book, Possible Lawsuit

Dewey Diaries has been alerted to the publication of this book. We will be interested to see if this guy ripped us off.

(just kidding)

Customers Say the Darndest Things

A regular patron came in today and was joshing with me about his driver's license photo and how his hair was dyed in the picture.

"Doesn't really look like me at all!"

I told him at least he didn't have Botox done just for the DMV.

He guffawed and then said loudly, "Or genital plastic surgery! HAW!"

Yeah. Heh heh. Genital... plastic... surgery.

I guess he topped me. Zing.